BE A BALLER -"Building a lifelong legacy"

Bonita Hampton Smith: Building a Legacy Through Love-Led Leadership

• Coach Tim Brown, Uncommon Life

Share episode

Send us a comment about the Be a Baller Podcast Episode. Thanks for support.

https://www.bonitahamptonsmith.com/books/

Bonita Smith is author of a new book "Dear White Women, Dear Black Women." A powerful collection of letters between Black and White women, interwoven with stories of pain, forgiveness, and the transformative power of compassion. This collection aims to bridge the divide between women and start the healing of a nation’s soul. Bonita is currently the Chief Operating Officer of the Martin Luther King Jr. Center for Nonviolent Change in Atlanta Georgia. 

Bonita grew up in Mariana, Arkansas which appeared as a small, impoverished town to outsiders but to her and her community was to her a place "rich in love" where neighbors shared everything from food to childcare, embodying the beloved community concept before she even had words for it.

Smith's leadership philosophy draws from unexpected sources – her experience as a basketball point guard taught her the power of offensive strategy, while caring for her quadriplegic brother revealed how organizations become paralyzed when leadership disconnects from the team. Her stark metaphor of leaders as "the neck" of an organization provides a vivid understanding of how energy and vision must flow freely to create movement and impact.

The raw vulnerability Smith brings to this conversation is breathtaking. She shares a pivotal moment where she nearly chose a destructive path before finding her purpose through faith and prison ministry. This turning point led her to become the first female chaplain in DeKalb County Jail. Her approach to difficult conversations through storytelling demonstrates how leaders can create space for truth and reconciliation.

What sets Smith apart is her radical reimagining of leadership as fundamentally rooted in love. She provocatively challenges conventional thinking about diversity and inclusion, arguing they are merely outcomes of love-conscious leadership, not standalone solutions. "If you are constantly dealing with outcomes that you're trying to dismantle, that's not the problem. You have to get to the root causes," she explains. Her call for leaders to do their inner healing work first turns leadership development inside out, focusing on wholeness before strategy.

Smith's declaration that she's "not opening doors for anyone - I'm taking the hinges off" perfectly captures her approach to creating fluid opportunities rather than gatekeeping. Her vision for women discovering their power to transform families, organizations, and societies offers hope for healing our deepest divisions. Whether you're a seasoned leader or just beginning your journey, this conversation will challenge you to lead from love and build a legacy that truly matters.

Support the show

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Be A Baller where we're building a lifelong legacy for our families, communities and the world. Your host, coach Tim Brown, is excited for you to join him on this journey. On each episode, we'll be talking about how to be intentional about building a lasting legacy. We'll be exploring what it means to leave a mark that goes beyond just our lives but has a positive impact on those around us and even generations to come. So if you're looking for inspiration, guidance and practical tips on how to build a lasting legacy that makes a difference, then you're in the right place. So grab your earbuds, get comfortable and let's dive in. It's time to be a baller.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Be, a Baller podcast where we're building a lifelong legacy, where we dive in the journeys of individuals who are not just achieving success but are intentionally crafting legacies that inspire and uplift. I'm your host, coach Tim Brown, and today I'm honored to be speaking with Benita Smith, a visionary leader whose work is a testimony of the power of love-led leadership and racial healing. Over two decades of experience in leadership development, spiritual formation and transformational coaching, benita has dedicated her life to helping others rise to the highest and most liberated self Not just anybody, but liberated setting people free and what a blessing that is. She's also the chief operating officer of the Martin Luther King Jr Center for Nonviolent Violence Change. Bernita's work is more than just a profession. It's a divine assignment. Her unwavering commitment to service, empowerment and healing has made her a beacon of light for navigating purpose and transformation. So get ready to be inspired in today's conversation, learn how Bernita is building a legacy that will resonate for generations to come. Bernita, welcome to the show.

Speaker 3:

Thank you. Thank you, do they call you Coach Brown? Yeah, coach.

Speaker 2:

Brown is fine. Yeah, people don't even know my real name, but it's Tim Brown.

Speaker 3:

I know it's Tim Brown, but I was reading about you, I saw Coach Brown. I know it's Tim Brown, but I was reading about you I saw. Coach Brown so thank you, that's me. I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know you're a Southern girl and you're raised in Mariana, Arkansas. Big old metropolis, Big old town. I saw it with everything All the fancy restaurants, big hotels and all that Big old two red lights. I also know that you grew up in a big family in the South. Can you talk about growing up in the South during those times and how the village raised you?

Speaker 3:

You know, mariana, at the time I didn't know it was small, I just knew it was home. I didn't know we were the second poorest county in the nation. At the time I had no idea that we were considered an impoverished county because the soil and the people were so rich. We were rich in love and our families were connected. You know, have you ever understood what people talk about when they talk about interrelatedness and interconnectedness? That's growing up in Mariana, arkansas. And while there were two different high schools when I was growing up, one for white people who had substance, money and what have you? The white people and the black people that attended the schools that I went to. We were just children getting along. We were just children learning to play together and get along. And yes, my mother had 10 children. We had a total of 13. My oldest brother, john. He died as a child. And then my brother, henry, who was a paraplegic. He died in his teen years, and so we were raised in a three bedroom home with all those children. So can you imagine growing up sharing twin beds, not even knowing that that was a normal, because to us we were just family, and I am most grateful, coach Brown, that I grew up in those rooms with my sisters and brothers, because at this phase in my life my family is everything, absolutely everything.

Speaker 3:

I'll tell you something else about Mariana. You know part of my work you talked about the King Center is sharing people, sharing with people the vision of the beloved community. Well, when you think about growing up in Mariana, if you didn't have Tim, guess what? If we had it, you can have it. We had this neighbor, miss Agnes, miss Agnes, which is called my mother. Let her know I'm going in your house, bernice. I need a chicken, and so she would. Whatever she needed. Or if my mother needed a cup of sugar, she'd send me over to Ms Shoemake's house. And that's how we live. We shared groceries, we shared children, we just we grew up as family, and I'll share this last thing because it'll frame some of our latter discussion.

Speaker 3:

The one thing that I was not aware of was the blue and black relationships in America, because in our town police officers, my brother Terry, would get in trouble. He would go to jail in Mariana, arkansas. He would come home for lunchtime and eat with us, then go back to the jailhouse, or we would go up there. He's outside doing stuff. And I remember I had a ticket that I hadn't paid for and one of the police officers said but you need to go down there and take care of that ticket. So I would call my sister, say Sharon, they have a ticket on me, can you pull it? And so that was my life with police officers.

Speaker 3:

The last story I share is Sheriff Holmes. He lived down the street from us and one day my brother decided he wanted to grow some weed. The sheriff came down, said Bernie boy out there growing weed. He didn't go to jail, my mother just had to get the weed up, you know. And so I was not conscious of what was happening in the rest of the world with my Black sisters and brothers, because of how we grew up in Mariana Arkansas. So that's a little bit about my childhood, I know it sounds like Andy Griffin, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, y'all can do a television series.

Speaker 3:

We really really could. Could you know, I'll tell you this, my mother, she passed of cancer and this is just an indicator of how we grew up. When my mother came here to atlanta to live with us when she was dying of cancer, uh, uh, pam golet mother, you know, pam goette, her mother sent my mother some greens from her garden through FedEx because my mother wanted some greens. She said I want some greens grown from the garden. And Regina Stone, my mother's friend, told her I tell you what, bernice, you ought to get those greens. And the next couple of days those greens were coming to the door through FedEx, not through Proger, not through Publix, but through FedEx from the grounds of Mariana Arkansas.

Speaker 3:

So, that's just how we grew up. Those are the people we grew up around. If I got out of, got out of you know, if I was in trouble and I was acting up, they had permission to spank my behind, you know. And so that's, that's how we grew up, and I'm so grateful for it now.

Speaker 2:

Amen, you know the word is. You were very active in high school and school, involved in sports, drama club, student council and all kinds of things. How did these experiences help you develop your leadership style today and the life lessons you learned from those experiences?

Speaker 3:

You know, I was active, I ran track, I was young, I was a cheerleader, I was very active, I loved volleyball. I tell you, the sports that had the most influence on me, though, was basketball. I handled the ball, I was point guard, I was very good offensively, and most of my strategies of life are offensive. I believe in offensive strategies because I think defense will tire you out, and you don't win a game if you don't have an offensive strategy.

Speaker 2:

You got to get some points on the board.

Speaker 3:

You got to get some points on the board. You got to get some points on the board, and so I think that's part of my life strategy is to make sure I'm strong on the offense so that I don't have to constantly react to things you know, and so you study your weaknesses, you study the things that you know that you need to dismantle, to improve so that you can become a better person. To improve so that you can become a better person. That's a strong offensive strategy. So when things start to come at you, you've already dealt with your stuff you know, and so strengthening your offense is key in life for me, and so I think basketball has played the is my life lesson.

Speaker 3:

I'll say that that's why I learned my life lesson is handling the ball, getting points on the board, studying your partners, or you're studying your partners, studying the people you work with. When you study people and understand how they navigate, you can also come up with your offensive strategies in life, whether you're going into a board meeting or you have a collaboration dealing with partners, partners, even in a marriage, you need to stay on the offense. In a marriage, you, you understand your partner so you can create offensive strategies, you know wow, that's powerful there, because no team.

Speaker 3:

You gotta have a good point guard you gotta have a good point guard and you, you also have to always be conscious of the other player's game, you know and so when you study it.

Speaker 3:

I used to have this uh, we had this turtle in our house, uh, and the poor little turtle was just dying. We had him on rocks and and he was dying. So we went to the pet store and we were like what's happening? We don't know what to do with this turtle. And the gentleman the pet store said, well, it's an what's happening, we don't know what to do with this turtle. And the gentleman at the pet store said, well, it's an aquatic turtle. And so we did not have the turtle in water, we had him on all these little rocks and stuff. So when we put the turtle in water, the turtle started to thrive.

Speaker 3:

So my whole, what I took away from that whole ordeal, is this when you know the animal, you know how to deal with this. When you know the animal, you know how to deal with it. When you know the animal, you know how to deal with it. So it's very important that you study the people that you work with, study the people you engage with, do a lot of information gathering, educate yourself so that you know how to navigate offensive strategies. That's it.

Speaker 2:

That's it. Well, you can be a coach. The way you're talking, Jack you can go back and sit on the sideline and coach up somebody's team.

Speaker 3:

I coach in a different way, you know. I coach in a different way.

Speaker 2:

Amen, amen. You also know that you are, that you are a strong woman of faith. Can you talk about your faith journey?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, you know. So my faith journey is also rooted in my upbringing. So while I was very popular, as you said, I was popular, I was very good in school, but there was this thing that was not connecting for me. And in my reflection as an adult, one thing I realized is that I just couldn't ever see myself. I could never see myself as much as our parents try to give us. If parents don't give the children a gift of purpose you know, and help children understand who they are, they can find themselves later on in life lost. And so I was a soul just kind of lost for a while. And I remember when I came here to, I transferred from Arkansas State to go to Clark Atlanta and my father died. I was trying to find money to stay in school and I went to the financial aid office and the lady just did not help me at all and I was just lost. It took me. It was a journey completing school as an adult. I didn't finish until later on. Because of that I was just lost and trying to find myself.

Speaker 3:

I remember sitting on the hill at Park Atlanta University and trying to figure out what I was going to do, and now I haven't ever shared this story with anyone. So this is hot off the press for you. And I decided I was going to be vulnerable and share it. When I didn't know what to do, my friend, I had one friend at Clark and we decided we were going to go strip to make some money and I didn't have the guts to go first. So Crystal said I'll go first, benita, and Crystal went first. And when Crystal came back I said how was it? Crystal told me that she said well, I had to drink until I couldn't feel anything. Now, coach Brown, I don't know what it was, but something inside of me said oh, you got to detach from your soul to do this. It wasn't in those words, but I could feel that, you know, and that was the reason why it took me a longer journey, because I knew I could not go strip. I just could not.

Speaker 3:

So, as life would have it, I would meet this lady, lorraine Daniels, who introduced me to prison ministry, and I started to volunteer in church and actually gave my life to Christ and started working in prison ministry. Prison ministry led me to understand that I really, really wanted to dedicate my time to serve women who were incarcerated. I went on to become licensed in ministry and become the first female chaplain in DeKalb County Jail. So I spent a lot of my life helping other women discover their business, because I know what it's like to fumble in the dark for so long. I know what it's like to almost choose the wrong pathway because to this day I do not know where Crystal is.

Speaker 3:

I don't know where she is. I remember she started to do some other things. I don't know where she landed, but I do know that was a critical, defining moment in my life that had I chosen to go that route, I don't know where I would be today that. My mother taught me about God at an early age. You know they we had to go to church. If you stayed out all night skating, you still had to get up and go to church on Sunday.

Speaker 3:

So I'm so grateful for that foundation because that had to be the thing that grounded me in that moment. You know what I mean. That had to be the thing to say you know what, benita, you can't go do that. You can't drink till you can't hear your, your, your voice, your, your inner voice and, um, so, yeah, uh, that's my journey of getting to this space.

Speaker 3:

I've never shared this story, you know, but I said to myself you know what? Uh, it's time to let people know what it's like to fumble in the dark and find your way. They don't have to see all the pretty pictures Sometimes. They need to know how did you get there? And it wasn't an easy journey. I will tell nobody that it was not an easy journey finding my way, but I am so grateful for Christ, I'm so grateful that I found God. I'm so grateful for that little church in Poplar called Poplar Springs, where one day I had on this red and white dress. I had probably clubbed myself to death, but I went there, I had on this red and white dress and I heard this man preaching and I went to that altar crying and I knew whatever he was talking about.

Speaker 3:

I needed just that. I need this thing that you're talking about. If this thing can cause me to turn my life around. I need it. If this thing can cause me to stop hurting.

Speaker 2:

I need it.

Speaker 3:

If this thing can cause me to see myself, I need it. And when I tell you I could not see myself until I found God, I could not see myself until I found God and allowed the Holy Spirit to guide and lead my life. So that's my journey.

Speaker 2:

You know, as you were sharing, I always sometimes share with persons how people see our glory, but they don't know the story. It's one. And then, as you were sharing, I was thinking. The Bible says there's one man plants, the seeds was planted, and then the other young lady watered it. That church, that little church, watered it and God gets the increase. That's how it works. So seeds were planted, somebody came along and watered it, and then God is also rain. Look at God. That's all I can say.

Speaker 3:

Look, look, look at God. And there were a lot of seeds along the way. I remember, see, when I was a child and I was at this church, my mother, we, like I said, we always had to go to church. And Miss Mary Brown said one day she doesn't realize this I was just walking and she said, bernice, it's something special about that little girl right there. Oh, that was a seed, because I remember that I don't know what, I just knew Miss Mary said that was something special about that little girl. And I think adults should know that words are so powerful, words are so powerful sown in the soul of a child. And so I just want, if we take away nothing else, coach Brown, I hope that we understand the soul of a child. And so I just want, if we take away nothing else, coach Brown, I hope that we understand the power of our words and how they frame identities and how they can either tear a child up or build a child up.

Speaker 2:

You know you're known for that infectious laughter and I can see that now and then you also. You know your life's work is deeply rooted in love-led leadership and spiritual formation. Can you share some more of those spiritual I mean pivotal moments or experience that ignited that passion in you?

Speaker 3:

Well, in all transparency, the love leadership is rooted in my evolution of really studying Dr King. So, as the chief operating officer of the King Center, one of the things that we had to learn was we had to study Dr King, but we also had to start to study nonviolence. And as a Baptist trained and rooted in Baptist traditions and religion, I never really leaned into studying other religions other than what was required of me in Bible college. But Dr King had this way of studying other philosophers, other theologians and synthesizing truths, and so that was very powerful for me. And then understanding nonviolence as a love-centered way of thinking, a love-centered way of acting, a love-centered way of speaking and engaging, when you start to look at love as a structure and a strategy for life, that was very, very powerful for me. To see a whole movement that was rooted in love and had the power to transform a system, had the power to dismantle an unjust system and cause people to shift, that's some power. So you take the power that you know in your foundation of understanding who God is, and then you start to understand that love can be a strategy, love can be a construct that can begin to dismantle unjust systems. And when you start to think about things through the lens of love, like, let's just take, for instance, you say you want to go into Mariana and you want to transform Mariana. Well, you can go in there, bulldoze and start tearing things down, but you could also go in with the lens of love and begin to understand the people, listen to the people. That's what love does.

Speaker 3:

Love goes into a situation and seeks no harm. Love goes into a situation and seeks to understand. Love goes to seek how can we all come together, build together, grow together? Love as a strategy goes in and considers all things and ensures no harm is done.

Speaker 3:

And so when I started to study nonviolence and understand, if I think, speak, act and engage in a way that's love-centered, how powerful can that be? How powerful can it be when leaders start to lead and lead in a way where they're thinking from a love centered place, acting from a love centered place, engaging from a love centered place. So I would say my faith foundation compiled with that which I learned through nonviolence. And I will also add another layer of my teachings of Joe Dispenza's teaching, some Joe Dispenza's teaching. Have you ever studied Joe Dispenza and understand the scientific basis of how we think and understand scientifically how you can truly, truly rewire your brain, and so those three are the foundation to how I got to this space of understanding. Using love as a strategy can be the most powerful transformative force that we can imagine.

Speaker 2:

You know, speaking of that, you often describe leaders as chief energy officers. Can you elaborate on how a leader's energy influences organization, organizational culture and success?

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. You know I'm going to use I always use my brother, who was a quadriplegic. My brother broke his neck and so, no matter what signals he sent to the rest of his body, it just didn't work because he was paralyzed. So the first thing I wanted leaders to understand that it's so important to protect your neck. The neck are the leaders that are right. You know, your C-suite executives, your senior leaders. It's important to make sure that you're protecting that neck because if that neck ever disconnects from your vision, the rest of your body is paralyzed. That means the rest of your organization is shot, the rest of your church is gone. Whatever body, a group of people you're trying to lead, if you're disconnected from your center leadership and they no longer can see your vision because I don't know how you've been treating them, I don't know what you've been saying and I don't know what you've been doing, but if you've caused a disconnection from your C-suite, your senior leaders, the rest of your body is gone. And my brother, as he laid there, he was a great thinker, he could tell jokes, he could want his hands to move, but they did not move because he was detached from his neck.

Speaker 3:

The other thing I want leaders to understand. The reason why I call them chief energy officers is because the atmosphere you create, how you speak, how you treat people, how you lead, you're going to see that permeate throughout your entire culture. If you believe great things can happen in your organization, that you have a team of great leaders who can do wonderful things, who are extraordinary in their own right and you are lifting them up, you're going to see that thing contagious in the atmosphere. But if you are a leader that shoots down, tears down and always down, I guarantee you you're going to see threads of that in the atmosphere, in the culture, and you're going to see a lot of unproductive people and probably a lot of turnover. Because, guess what? People don't leave organizations, they leave people. They don't leave organizations, they leave because, guess what, coach Brown, you suck, you suck and I got to go.

Speaker 3:

And so it's so important. The one thing that you cannot trick people with is your energy. Energy does not lie, it cannot lie, it just is. And so it's so important for CEOs to understand that what they put out there in the atmosphere, it's going to transfer all the way down to the person on the front line at the receptions. They're going to feel your vibe. So they always talk about the tone at the top. I call them chief energy officers because they really do set the tone at the top. So that's where I get that from. And my brother like I said, my brother being a quadriplegic really, really taught me a valuable lesson about staying connected to your neck.

Speaker 2:

That's a great analogy. You didn't rename the C-suite that's a great analogy.

Speaker 3:

You didn't rename the c-suite, it's the neck. Though think about it. You go into a place and you got a lot of unhappy leaders. They're unhappy with the chief leader. Uh, it's going to show up in the way they treat people.

Speaker 3:

It would take a very aware, a leader within that whole neck network to be able to get over how they're being treated by, you know, their CEO or by their president, because if you're not treating them well, it's hard for them to muster up the energy to be everything they need to be. While they can still be good people in that C-suite, it's still hard to deal with that kind of energy when you have a leader that just isn't kind, a leader that just does not treat people well. My girlfriend and I we're working on a workshop in my next book is women leading well, because it's so important that you leave from a healthy place. It's so important that you have your own self-love, your own self-awareness, because if you don't love yourself, you're not going to understand how to treat other people well, and so it's important to be well in order to lead well.

Speaker 2:

Well, you're dropping so many gems on here. We just really getting started.

Speaker 3:

Well, you're asking the questions and I appreciate it because I am passionate about this work, because, like I said, I know what it's like to fumble in the dark and, if I don't do anything else, I want to wake people up to some of the things that I've had to fumble and learn. If I had to fumble and learn, then let me turn the light on so you don't have to fumble in the dark. Oh Lord, yeah, why do we let other people repeat our mistakes? Just turn the light on for them.

Speaker 2:

Just turn the light on.

Speaker 3:

My motto now, Coach Brown, is that I'm not opening doors for anyone. I'm taking the hinges off. I'm making the doors fluid.

Speaker 2:

Take the hinges off.

Speaker 3:

Why should?

Speaker 2:

the door even close on people. Why?

Speaker 3:

is this door of opportunity closing?

Speaker 1:

Make it fluid.

Speaker 3:

Those who are supposed to come in should be able to just go in. Why?

Speaker 1:

are we closing?

Speaker 3:

doors, opening doors. No, if you're in there, you have the power to do it. Take the hinges off, make it fluid, create an arch and let them just flow in. You know. Boy you just answered so good.

Speaker 2:

You got me stuttering here. The way you flow, you know, with all your two decades of experience. As we talk about leadership development, what are some of those significant shifts you observe in leadership paradigms, especially concerning love and justice?

Speaker 3:

The main leadership shift. Let me make sure I understand your question again. Say that one more because I want to make sure I'm answering your question.

Speaker 2:

Well, from your experience in leadership development, what are some of those significant shifts you've observed in leadership, especially concerning love and justice?

Speaker 3:

I think the shift that I'm seeing now is understanding that it is so pivotal for us to understand root causes and dismantle from the root and when the more leaders are patient enough to do that work, because it's not the pretty work, it's not the glorified work, but I'm seeing that people are understanding that things are still persisting and we've got to do something different. And so I'm seeing in spaces people are starting to say ask the right questions. And once you start asking the right questions, you can get to root causes. The only way you can change or transform systems is to deal with the root causes, and we spent a lot of time and I'm going to say this on your podcast, so I hope you don't get in trouble for it but one of the things I've been saying lately is that we've been dealing with diversity, equity and inclusion when the root cause is not having a love conscious leadership, because diversity, equity, inclusion are outcomes. They're outcomes of systems that are driven and structured in love and a love consciousness. When you have love consciousness in dealing with your systems, guess what? They're going to be inclusive, they're going to be diverse, they're going to be equitable, they're going to be all the things that looks like and feels like a belonging culture, because you're a love center. So if you are constantly dealing with outcomes that you're trying to deal with and dismantle, that's not the problem. You have to get to the root causes. And so I think the shifts that I'm seeing are people beginning to ask the right questions, because that'll get us to understand now how do we really transform this system. And so it's starting to edge there and I'm hoping to see more of it.

Speaker 3:

It's the intentionality of my work, because I absolutely believe, if we start to shift, love is not a weak word. People think love is a weak word. It's one of the most powerful forces. You know, I think Gandhi called it Satyagraha, soul's force. It's a soul force. It's a force that is so powerful. It's the only force that can dismantle hate and darkness, and so we've got to utilize it as a strength, as a strategy and as a structure to begin to build systems and programs and things that work for society as a whole. So that's the shift that I'm seeing are people asking the right questions now, because they see that you know what. This thing that we're dealing with now is so huge that we've got to study, we've got to understand what's really happening in culture, climate and politics and in our national leadership. We've got to begin to really get to the root causes.

Speaker 2:

That's good you know you've written several books. What was the vision behind? I'm really excited about your latest book. What was the vision behind your latest book, dear White Women, dear Black Women, where you brought together 56 women to share their truths? What role do you feel that storytelling plays in that?

Speaker 3:

So I'll answer the first question first, which is the vision behind it? Like most people after the killing of George Floyd, I was. You know, we've seen, we had seen a lot. It wasn't the first time we had heard or seen of a black person being brutalized or killed at the hands of a police officer, but 2020, we were all sheltering in place and we were frozen in time, and so it was something about the stillness of that tragedy happening in the stillness and the quietness of the pandemic, and that everybody was watching.

Speaker 3:

And I think anything that you were dealing with or it just it just started to bring it to the surface, that you were dealing with, or it just it just started to bring it to the surface, anything that you had deeply rooted regarding racism, regarding white supremacy, regarding, uh, the divides in our country, it just came to a pulsating head, you know. And so I was angry, I was hurting, I was angry, I was mad, but none of those emotions were going to serve me well, and so I went into prayer and I tell everybody I was not so smart, or I am not so smart that I came up with this on my own. It literally was given to me in prayer. I mean the whole strategy was given to me in prayer and meditation Literally get white women to write letters to black women, black women to write letters to white women, so that we can start to tell our truths and we can start to get to the root causes. If you would deal with the root causes of the matter and so that was my why, that's how I got there and that's why I it's so that we can start to deal with our root causes.

Speaker 3:

Storytelling, just like I'm telling you stories today, allow us to see each other. The more you see me and get to know me, you look past all the surface things and you say, oh, this is who Bonita is, oh, this is who Tim is. We start to understand our interconnectedness, our common humanity threads, and that's where we can discover how can we work together. And my goal in this storytelling is to get women to start to work together well in our truths and being healed. I was reading one of the letters I read them periodically. I've read the book a few times, but read them periodically and this one white woman. She talked about how she had done all these things. She raised black children, she would work for defects. She did all these things and she wanted to be black, she said. Until I understood what black people were really dealing with, then I realized it was scary.

Speaker 3:

And she said so I no longer wanted to be black. But in the core she thought she was so liberated that she thought she understood, until George Floyd she didn't realize that she thought she was better than black people. She said I didn't realize that I was racist, I didn't realize I had my own prejudice. And she penned this so that other Black women can hear her story. And I was just. I'm touched to know that someone is willing to get in touch with their own stuff, willing to put it out there and say this is where I am, but I'm committed to being better, and that's what this is all about. This is where I am, but I'm committed to being better. And that's what this is all about.

Speaker 3:

Women telling their stories, getting to our collective healing individual healing first, collective healing. And then how do we work together well and leave this world better for our children? Because that's what it's all about. How do we do something better so that the next generation they don't have this layer to deal with? Our parents did that for us. So what do we do for this generation? So that you know what we've dismantled this so you all can go to the next level. So that was my goal to really get women. Let's start with Black women and white women because inherently, they're things that we just haven't dealt with in our soul in this nation as it relates to black people and white people. It's so deep, but we've got to do the dirty work and dig in there and let's pull back the layers, let's get to know each other Because, at the end of the day, I believe, just like my African brothers and sisters, I am because you are. You are because I am.

Speaker 2:

Right, right, you know, as we kind of come around the corner, what would you say? How can future leaders cultivate a culture of love and justice, and what legacy do you hope to leave for the next generation?

Speaker 3:

You said what would I say to future leaders?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how to cultivate a culture of love and justice.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so what I really hope that future leaders do. We have a leadership academy, and it is my hope that we do. The work of discovering this is so critical, coach Brown discovering our own love-centeredness and our own love consciousness that's where the work starts. There are a lot of people out here in pain. There are a lot of people out here hurting. There are a lot of people out here who do not know who they are, but they're leading. They're leading in pain, they're leading unwell. They're leading in pain, they're leading unwell and they're leading in anger. They're leading in resentfulness, they're leading in frustration. They're leading in so many emotions that do not serve us well.

Speaker 3:

I'm hoping that people lean into love and lean into light and, from that space, start to strategize and start to build from there. So the first thing I want people to do is for us all to do the work. Every day. I do work. You know what work I'm working on now?

Speaker 3:

I'm still working on dismantling triggers. We honor triggers. We'll tell people oh, he triggered me. Well, if he triggered you, guess what? You need to dismantle that trigger so that trigger no longer has power in you or over you. So I've discovered I still have triggers. That's how somebody can piss you off, because it's a trigger. So if you have a trigger where you're still getting pissed off and acting out of character and utilizing and acting in emotions and spaces that don't serve you well, do the work and we all do the individual work of getting to spaces. But we can. We put kids in timeout. Take a timeout when you feel yourself about to get out of character. Take a timeout. Take a timeout when you feel your emotions about to say something or do something that can hurt or harm people.

Speaker 3:

So I really want us to, as leaders, to start doing the work so that we can lead well. That's the first place. I want us to start from leading well. We can then build systems that serve others well. We can build companies that serve others well. We can start and we can innovate. Serve others well, we can innovate. You will innovate from a place that does not harm humanity, when you are a healed and well human being. So my calling in life is to help people discover the power of their isness, calling people back to their true DNA of love-centeredness and love consciousness. That is what I am called to do. If you can get people to discover their true purpose. The only reason why I wasn't out there stripping as a young woman is because I leaned into part of my purpose at that time. I leaned into something greater. Something was calling me higher, and if we can just lean into our isness, discover our light, lean into love and lead from there, coach Brown, this world will be so much better when you have leaders who lean into love.

Speaker 2:

This is a legacy podcast, so you think about that word legacy. What does that word legacy mean to you and what do you hope to leave for the next generation? And what do you hope to leave for the next?

Speaker 3:

generation. You know, for me, legacy is about the work that speaks to, speaks beyond you. What work and impact have you done that's going to speak beyond you? And so, for me, that work is the work I'm doing right now with the women. Women are birthers. We birth, if anybody you meet in this world.

Speaker 3:

They had to come through a woman, and my goal and my calling in life starts with women. Well, it may spill over to leaders. Well, it may spill over to the space I'm in now as a chief operating officer. My true space is to ensure that I work with women and help them discover their purpose, so that they can be the mothers, the daughters, the leaders, the CEOs. You know that they can be those people who are out on the front line helping to protest, that they're doing it from a space and they know their power. When women discover their power, I'm like Mrs King had this quote. She said women, if the soul of the nation is to be saved, I believe you must become its soul, Because it's something about a woman that walks in her power and in her purpose. I'm a wife and I even know the power of pillow talk, and so it's something about a woman when she knows her power and purpose.

Speaker 3:

We've seen women who can tear down with their words and can build up with their words. It's something about a woman that knows how to raise a child and help them to walk in their purpose and their business. It's something about a woman that knows how to discover the details of a thing so that she can teach you how to be on the offense when you are still on the defense. It's something about a woman who leans into love and lean into light, and it's my goal, my purpose in this world to help women discover that secret power so that we can do our part to make and move humanity forward and make humanity better. That's my legacy when you look around.

Speaker 3:

I hope that this book has caused women to love each other more, work together well, I hope that my life will show that my daughters are waking up into their isness, that when I've gone into the jails and I've gone into crack houses and pulled women out, because I know that you're better than a crack house, you're better than this penitentiary, you're better than a jail. When women wake up to who they are, they can do some incredible things. I worked for an institution founded by Coretta Scott King. That's an incredible thing.

Speaker 2:

Amen. Well, I want to thank you for your time and for this great, enlightening Learning more about you and your work and just excited for all you're doing and, most importantly, what you're doing for the kingdom. This is truly kingdom work, truly kingdom work for God's kingdom, and God's kingdom and Jesus is based on love. His whole life is about love. It's about love. Can you share with the audience how they can get a copy of your book?

Speaker 3:

Oh, absolutely, dear White Woman, dear Black Woman, you can find it on anywhere books are sold. You can get it at Amazon, barnes, noble Books, a Million. You can also go to my website, bonita, hampton Smith, and you can find all of my books there. Well, both of my books. My first book is not available. My books there well, both of my books. My first book is not available, but lindsey benzie, around the world with friends, which is about, uh, my children's book, about children loving the skin they're in, because I want to make sure they know that. Uh, coach brown. And then, uh, dear white woman, dear black woman, also available. But anywhere books are sold, they can find my book I want to thank you for your time.

Speaker 2:

If I can just be real, I want to thank you for not going in that strip club. I just want to thank you for for hearing the voice of the Lord.

Speaker 2:

Hearing the voice of the Lord, I know God was speaking to you then because he had greater work for you, had a greater purpose for you, and so I thank you for living on purpose. You know living on purpose and inspiring others. So I'm just thank you for being a part of the show today and, for my audience, I want to encourage you to continue to listen to Be A Baller podcast. We share stories, persons who are truly building a lifelong legacy. So thank you, bonita, for your time today.

Speaker 3:

Thank you so much, coach Brown. Thank you, and thank you for sharing the stories around the world. God bless you.

Speaker 1:

If you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with family and friends. The Be A Baller podcast is available on all major podcast platforms. This podcast was created by Coach Tim Brown and recorded and edited by the video production class of Worthington Christian High School. Be sure to come back next week as we continue to discuss on how to build a lifelong legacy. Until then, don't forget to be a baller.